Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Inner Demons

A forewarning:  this is a somber and sad piece, so if you’re having one of those days where everything makes you cry, you may not want to read it.

As my father-in-law lies in the hospital with his bones full of cancer, I have no words of comfort for my husband.  Twenty years ago, my husband watched his mother go through the same agonizing pains as she withered away from breast cancer.  Now, he has to witness the same thing happen to his father.  How I want to wave a magic wand over my father-in-law, and my husband, and make it all better.  I know this is part of life, but it is so difficult to bear.  I have no words of encouragement, no hugs full of magic, and I surely can’t click my heals together and make it go away.  We all must face death when it comes for a parent.  I did when my dad died.  Thankfully, though, my mother is still here.  Through broken words, with eyes full of tears, fighting against all of his emotions and losing, my husband said, “I’m lost.”  Knowing no one can do anything for his dad, and I can’t do anything for him, I felt lost too.  I had no words, only silent tears and a lump in my throat. 

I guess the point of this blog is that there is no point.  I only write it to get these terrible words and feelings off my chest.  Writing is my therapy.  I only wish my husband had a way to release his inner demons.

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